I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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