Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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