Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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