I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
