One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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