My Higher Power is John Stamos
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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