I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize