please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
