youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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