Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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