but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
is wine microwaveable?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
