It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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