He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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