I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
