My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
