I hope mine doesn't look like that
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
