Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
