you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Randomize
