I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
