Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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