I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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