don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
being pregnant is like rehab
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
