Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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