Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
