I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
