wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
