youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
