I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am available for nakedness
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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