Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
