ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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