I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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