woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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