A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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