that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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