Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
