I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
