Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was like eating out sand paper
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
