One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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