just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
