Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
