DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
