i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
