Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
