what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
