I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
