Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
