How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
