They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
