Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
