C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
