I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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