I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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