I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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