So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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