Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize