i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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