WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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