So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we're making bets on your personal life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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