There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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