my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
