I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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