the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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