actually, I'm a sock model
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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