I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
