i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
