so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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