I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
