So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
