the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
where are my eyebrows?
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