she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
