just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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